Sunday, October 17, 2010

Change

I have been mulling this post over in my head for about a week now. For some reason it has been really tough for me spit it out...to decide what it is that I want to say...

For several weeks I have been feeling. That sounds so weird. I have been feeling a combination of both heart swelling yelling out loud pure joy and gut wrenching no words to describe pain- plus feelings all over the spectrum in between.

I lurk. There I admit it. I read tons of different blogs. I click through and read random blogs which I may or may not follow- but I rarely choose to interact with the author, feel the need to comment, or put myself out there in any way. For that I am ashamed. I have followed some of these people through their darkest moments and greatest joys- yet don't reach out and give them a great job, a you can do it or an I feel your pain?? I realized this week that I probably have missed out on a lot of opportunity that way- choosing to be anonymous.

I also realized my blog is suffering for it as well. I have chosen to share only bits and pieces of what is going on in my life- mostly a rosy picture of adventure and fun- some silly moments tossed in here and there. But I want more than that. I have read 5 (or more) blog entries in the last week that have truly affected me emotionally- as in sitting at my computer sobbing, my heart breaking or bursting out laughing out loud. I want to relate to people like this-make connections-and have them relate to me. These blog posts have inspired me to switch it up a little- put myself out there, be more real and reach out.

Susan. She has no idea, I'm sure, how many people she has touched. Over the last several years she has shared her story- joys and sorrows- of her battle with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Her post "LET GO" touched me and I can't even think about it now without getting tears in my eyes. Since February of this year I have been worrying that the preventative measures I've been taking with my doctor will continue to be enough- that the "pre-cancer" I am currently willing away by brain power will just slink off into the night. That CANCER will not be a regular word in my vocabulary like it is for Susan. I guess maybe I just need to "let go." Looking back at my blog posts I noticed that in April when we went to the fair and were apartment hunting- I completely left out the fact that I ALSO HAD SURGERY!!!! Outpatient, true. But really. Was I ashamed? Did I not want people to think my life wasn't perfect? Did I not want anyone to worry? Why? What would have been the problem sharing that with the people who obviously care enough about me to read what we are up to on a regular basis? I have no idea. I really don't know. I'm hoping to change that now. I know for sure I am not the only one out there with cervical cancer on her mind.

Dan. A newbie to the blog scene- and to my following list-though he's obviously web savvy and super smart. His posts have me laughing and crying at the same time. The disease of Perfection truly inspired this entire post. People are hurting- even when we may not see it- even me. Why not let them know they are not the only one? Why not be a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear? Why not be real and quit hiding behind the mask of perfection? Also his kid is almost as cute and hilarious as mine : )

Jill. I am thankful everyday for every minute my daughter is in my life. I can't even begin to imagine her pain. Yet I know just by reading her raw and real posts that Jill is strong and amazing and will pull through. Her blog has made me take a second look at how I spend my time- and what I spend time doing. I am going to work really hard to give Lily the attention and affection she deserves everyday.

Single Mom Survives For sticking up for a blog friend. For having the guts to tell it like it is. For reaching out when you don't have to. We all need this kind of friend backing us up. I hope I can have her kind of courage when one of my fellow bloggers is in need.

Dad gone Mad- For telling his story and sharing one of the most powerful videos I've ever seen..

The recent "bullying crisis" has me heartbroken- yet in some way inspired. I hate that kids can be so mean. That there are so many kids out there who are hurting (the bullies and the bullied). I can't stand the fact that even one kid has died because of it- much less an epidemic! It has to stop!

It inspires me to see so many people addressing this theme in their blogs and in the news. It kills me to read about how deeply and how many people have been affected by bullying. I hope this message can stay at the forefront of our minds and hearts as we deal with young people in our own lives.

So here is my goal. Share more. Be real. Be present. Challenging? YES! I think I am finally up for it.