Friday, February 20, 2009

Reflections on Happiness

I had a head on collision with my thoughts this weekend due to an unexpected situation. It led me to think about happiness and what it means to me. The obvious question being…am I happy? Short answer: yes, but it makes for a lousy blog posting.

I got to thinking how exactly knew I was happy and how did I measure the happiness I felt. I know that I don't feel happy all the time- it is more like a general feeling of contentment with my current situation- vague enough? I needed more detail. What specifically gave me happy feelings? Lily…yes. Work…sometimes. Chocolate…anytime! I think for me happiness is more of an ever changing continuum made up of a million small experiences every day. There is no true absolute happiness but I think I can come reasonably close from time to time.

Have you ever seen the Group Health ads on the sides of buses? Like "Smoking -20 points, Smoking hot body +10 points" or something to that effect. I think that is how I can show the measure of my happiness- on a small scale since I've already established that I am happy on an overall kind of scale.

This morning:
· Getting out of bed -100 happy points (I HATE getting out of bed in the morning)
· Getting to work on time because I got out of bed at a reasonable time + 25 happy points (they don't quite equal out overall- I need a coffee or something to really come out even!)
· Lily pees the bed in the middle of the night -5 happy points (not too much mess)
· She wants to cuddle on me to go back to sleep +20 happy points

Miss Lily the pooh. That child brings much wonder to my life. I can't say overall that she is an especially jovial kind of child- Her average mood range is probably more from "Doin' all right" to "downright enraged"- with the extremely happy times outliers on the chart, therefore not counted in the average. I think that's just her personality- which I have come to accept. Really I think our personalities line up more that way than I ever thought of before. I guess I tend to have more subdued excitement overall too.

Anyway, sorry about the little tangent. As I was saying Lily always brings a smile to my face- okay not always- but certain things that she does make my whole heart fill up- a feeling very hard to describe -other than like what happens to the Grinch near the end of the story- when his heart grows two sizes and bursts out of it's little frame with a twang. It is pride and happiness and love and joy all mixed together in a jumble of "I don't know whether to laugh or cry"- itis.

Last night…
Lily rubs her nose on mine.
Mommy: Wow Lily! What a great big Eskimo kiss!
Lily: (pause) Mommy, what's a "Neck si mosis"?

My heart fills and I laugh out loud and she realizes she's said something funny and repeats herself- I know she loves making me laugh. All I want to do is cuddle her and snuggle her and eat her all up at the same time and remember. And think to tell her future self "this is us- just the girls- and all our silliness."

I'm not sure where she got this next thing- I mean I pretend to eat her all up sometimes- but her new thing to get me to laugh is to "nibble" on me. She takes her little chin and tries to kind of tickle me on my neck with it. She thinks it is hilarious and the suspense kills her when she says "I'm going to nibble you Mommy!" I of course giggle and squirm as she does this and she loves it. It is then I think Lily is happy. We are happy. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
PS Pictures from Maddie's 12th Birthday Party this weekend.
PSS Welcome "Moki" to the Horning family, Miss Maddie's new puppy.

Sunday, February 15, 2009


Lily asleep on my bed- smack dab in the middle- of course.
Snow Fall on a tree at the daycare

Lily's first day in her new classroom

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Lily: Mommy, I'm curious.

Mommy: (thinking this could be really interesting) Really? What are you feeling curious about?

Lily: I'm curious about eating some sprinkles.

How could I resist?


Lily: Mommy- be careful of the ice. I don't want you to fall and break my other leg.

I'll never live it down I'm sure. Needless to say, we've been driving to and from school rather than walking.


This week Lily moved into a new classroom at her school. She is very excited to be downstairs with the big kids now and she really likes some of the toys they have. I think she is a little off though because there are pretty much all new teachers in her classroom (none that she is really bonded with yet). I am sure she'll be adjusted soon, but this is the first time since she has been going there that she hasn't had drop off with her first teacher Miss Marina who she really loves.

Other than that I am looking forward to some time to myself this weekend. It has been since before Lily broke her leg that I've had any time off so I will hopefully get up some energy to get some things done that I've been ignoring for the past three weeks.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Light at the end of the tunnel

This video explains it all...
Well, I have have a couple pictures too. Lily is doing so much better. Both of our stress levels are lower and I think the worst part is over. We have an appointment for March 2nd to get the cast off... only three more weeks.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Hanging in there..barely

I took Lily back to the Doctor yesterday because she was still in a lot of pain- the daycare called for me to come pick her up. They decided to put a long leg cast on her which goes up about mid-thigh. She seems to be okay- not so tender to the touch- but still refuses to move around much. Today she is with Poppa and we'll try daycare again tomorrow and see how it goes. This time we went to the Children's at Overlake in Bellevue and it was a much more chill atmosphere though I think Lily is scarred for life on Doctors in general. Last night she said, " I just can't take it anymore!" Poor thing, and as always a drama queen. I mean, I know it hurts but her choice of words cracks me up.

The other day (since she was pretty much immobilized) I decided to comb her hair- she has a bit of cradle cap that I was trying to scrape off her scalp. She looks up at me and says, "Mommy, you're making my brain fall out." I didn't think I was combing that hard.

We went out to lunch the other day for a treat and I had a glass of water with a straw and ice cubes. Lily stirred to her hearts content then carefully pushed each ice cube down into the water the said she was pretending it was a Merry-go-round. Pretty imaginative if you ask me.

I'm just hoping things get better from here.