Five and a half years ago I lost nearly everything I believed was important in my life. My feet were kicked out from under me and the shoddy foundation I had attempted to build in my life collapsed-all in one fell swoop. There was nothing left beneath me to catch my fall. It took some serious help from many sources to pull myself out of a very black hole- of depression and hopelessness- and ultimately an absolute feeling of failure.
Today, again, I was shaken to my very core with completely unexpected news. Once again I felt my insides completely ripped out- things I held as true- torn down. The rug was pulled out and I fell. I had failed at protecting the most important thing in my life.
But I didn't fall too far. I held out my hand and caught myself. I have surrounded myself with people who absolutely back me up 100%. I can trust them, I can trust their support. Family, friends, co-workers- there when I needed it the most. I got up. Myself. And I can do this. I can make it through- one day- one step at a time. I know I can.
I have spent the last five years healing and breaking and healing again. I'd never been sure how much progress I had really made. I've always worried- will it happen again? Could I go back to that dark place again and not be able to find my way back? Now I know. I have laid a strong foundation in my life. I have what I need to make it through the really tough days- or weeks- whatever it takes.
I guess that's growing up. I guess that's life.
you know where your strengh comes from and He will never leave you. We are always thinking about you and know you will get through this obstical just one more fork in the road of life to chose from, but youw will chose the right one you always do. 143 Mom
ReplyDeleteI knew in my heart that those dark days were forever banished 3 years ago on the day you loaded Lily into her backpack. You never once looked back. I know that the decision you made that day was as much for you as it was for her, whether you believe it or not.
ReplyDeleteIt breaks my heart that you had to take such a hard knock, again, before you could recognize how strong you are and that those days will never return.
You climbed out of that hole once. And all the bumps, scrapes, and scars from that climb are what forged your strength. It was that strength that gave you the courage to begin building your foundation again.
You had to feel it for yourself, and now you know - your foundation is unshakable.