Five and a half years ago I lost nearly everything I believed was important in my life. My feet were kicked out from under me and the shoddy foundation I had attempted to build in my life collapsed-all in one fell swoop. There was nothing left beneath me to catch my fall. It took some serious help from many sources to pull myself out of a very black hole- of depression and hopelessness- and ultimately an absolute feeling of failure.
Today, again, I was shaken to my very core with completely unexpected news. Once again I felt my insides completely ripped out- things I held as true- torn down. The rug was pulled out and I fell. I had failed at protecting the most important thing in my life.
But I didn't fall too far. I held out my hand and caught myself. I have surrounded myself with people who absolutely back me up 100%. I can trust them, I can trust their support. Family, friends, co-workers- there when I needed it the most. I got up. Myself. And I can do this. I can make it through- one day- one step at a time. I know I can.
I have spent the last five years healing and breaking and healing again. I'd never been sure how much progress I had really made. I've always worried- will it happen again? Could I go back to that dark place again and not be able to find my way back? Now I know. I have laid a strong foundation in my life. I have what I need to make it through the really tough days- or weeks- whatever it takes.
I guess that's growing up. I guess that's life.